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How it all begun

How it all begun is very difficult to say, simply because I don’t know. My GP doesn’t know, the neurologist doesn’t know, no one does. It is very likely that I’ve been living with my tumour for years, possibly since childhood. This is very often the case and many people are not even aware they have a little friend happily living in their brains while they just crack on with life. In my case there is a high chance that my tumour grew during pregnancy. It is suspected that the culprit responsible for the growth were hormones such as progesterone. But yet again, no one knows for certain. My possibly first symptom was when I was 27 weeks into my pregnancy, and I remember it as if it was yesterday.  After I woke up on a Wednesday morning I noticed when brushing my teeth, that the area on the right side of the lower part of my face went numb. It was slightly worrying but all I did was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, sticking out my tongue, smile to make sure both sides of the face looked the same, raised my arms and repeated three times “Fischers Fritz fischt frische Fische, frische Fische fischt Fischers Fritz.” A German tongue twister and after being able to say it quickly, without actually twisting my tongue I happily came to the conclusion that I wasn’t suffering a stroke and off I went to work. Whatever you do, do not diagnose yourself, ever! However, during the day the numbness spread to the whole right side of my face and by the evening even my skull felt numb. The morning after I did something I very rarely did; I went to see a doctor. They’ve diagnosed me with Bels Palsy. But I didn’t tell them the whole truth; that the numbness has spread over my shoulder and down to the arm. But you know what? I knew I wasn’t going to die and left it there. Having one side of the face numb felt alien. I couldn’t feel if there was any food left on the corner of my mouth or if I was dribbling when drinking. But I just cracked on with things as if this was normal and, in the meantime, I have given birth to the most beautiful little girl. Two weeks after this big event, the feeling in my face reappeared. Yay! After a while I started experiencing numbness down my right leg and felt slightly unbalanced. But I used the push chair and could hide it all very well. I kept walking and walking every day, everywhere. It feels I did nothing but walk. Walk here, walk there, walk everywhere. All the time. With the push chair to hold onto. It was fine. I was fine. I kept lying to myself. I knew. I knew something was seriously wrong. But I did not admit. Not to my GP, not to my daughter’s Dad, not to myself. Because, I WAS FINE! Apart from that I wasn’t.

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